Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: The Thug Awards

Voted on by an esteemed panel of judges, we now bring you the final installment of The Thug Awards.

I pity the fool who reads this before finishing the book.

1. Neville Longbottom

What happens when you cross an awkward Herbology nerd with: an enormous snake, the ability to pull the legendary sword out of the hat at just the right moment, and the best St. George impression of all time?

You get Neville "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes in motherfucking Hogwarts" Longbottom.

2. Mrs. Weasley

Because every time Bellatrix showed up, we all said, 'Damn, she's a bitch. Someone should really let her know."

I'm going to make a t-shirt with Mrs. Weasley's face on it that reads, "Don't Mess with Momma."

3. Professor McGonagall and the Hogwarts teaching staff, a.k.a. The Cavalry

Turns out, they like, know what they're doing with magic and stuff.

Also, that duel with Snape? Short, but balls-in-the-mouth-legendary.

4. George Weasley

Gets his ear sliced off, but instead of being all self-pitying like some other emo kid we know, he turns right around and makes bad puns.

However...how did he handle Fred dying? That's sort of an important detail, J.K.

5. Kreacher and Dobby

Turns out that the secret to getting servants to like you and to lead armies of angry elves in your defense is just to be nice. Who knew?

Also--Mrs. Weasley avenged you, Dobby. She avenged you.

6. Aberforth Dumbledore

More honest and decent than his big brother while still managing to be a goatfucker? My hat is off.

7. Neville's grandmother

'"Little old witch living alone, they probably thought they didn't need to send anyone particularly powerful. Anyway," Neville laughed, "Dawlish is still in St. Mungo's, and Gran's on the run."'

Don't Mess With Grandma.

8. The blind dragon

Because you're never too blind to DESTROY THE OPPRESSORS.

9. The Malfoys

Turning against Voldemort while he's at the height of his power, all to save your son? Seriously butch of you.

10. Harry

I'm not always a fan of little Captain Emo, but he managed to impress me. Walking straight toward death in borrowed C.S. Lewis fashion--but unlike Aslan, not knowing that he'd live? For all that Harry's a whiner sometimes, he gets the job done.